Have you ever said yes to something out loud, but said hell no, in your head? Only to later resent yourself or the requestor?
Back in my 20’s, I found myself on dates, because I was nervous to say no. Those dates were typically marked by me being bland and stand-offish. My goal was to leave the guy wondering why he ever asked me out in the first place. Back in the day, I preferred to show myself in a poor light, than to hurt someone by saying no to a date? I guess you could say I took, it is not you, it’s me to the next level.
Eventually, I caught on that saying no saves everyone’s time. More importantly, saying no establish boundaries, and it empowers you. Every time you say no to something that does not serve you or your spirit you are validating yourself
Now more than ever, it is imperative that we value ourselves enough to establish boundaries-which saying no does.
As women, we need to unlearn that saying no will damage others and what others think of us.
According to Psychology Today, the hesitation or inability for women to say no is a socially learned coping mechanism.
Well, I say, anything learned can be unlearned. This week’s challenge offers some practice in doing just that.
Saying “no” with an explanation opens you up to a “yes”? To offer a reason is another way of asking a person to change your mind.
When it is not a “Yes, And” situation, don’t bother with explaining yourself.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. By simply saying no and leaving it at that, you close the door for a comeback.
The difference between the two instances are personal. You must establish this marker. For me, there are times for collaboration and opportunity; Yes, And. There are other times that does not sit right with your spirit, your life, an have 0 added value.
Not comfortable with the word no? Try:
“No, Thank You.”
“Perhaps another time.”
And if someone comes back with a “why.” A simple cause I don’t want to will suffice.
Mavens 101 previous weekly positivity challenges have focused on collaboration, avoiding negativity, and finding your purpose. This week’s challenge is to harness your inner bitch and to say no. Okay, so you don’t have to be nasty, but saying no is an essential aspect of establishing boundaries. In other words, have a clear self-understanding of what you will and will not accept, then convey it, no explanation and apology required.